His Plan is Always Perfect

As if this year has been not been hard for us already, God decided that we needed to be stretched more.

It has been a very busy summer (and then fall) for us. A lot has happened since I last posted in June, but I'll back up a little more to fill in some gaps before I get into the meat. This will get a bit science and health related. If you're not interested, feel free to skip to the section titled His Plan is Always Perfect. I think my PCOS friends might appreciate the findings I have in hopes that they can find healing as well. I am no doctor, but I'll always advocate for healthier living.

Listening, Reflecting, and Researching Health

The day before I found out I was pregnant in April before my latest loss, I heard someone share their experiences with their fertility struggles and how one of the tests they took was a gluten related test as they shared their testimony. That made me think of how my diet was before I was pregnant with Hailey and the start of my pregnancy with her. Before Hailey, I was struggling with some health concerns through my entire engagement and first 9 months of marriage with Josh, which is why I went gluten free. I figured out the partial cause of the biggest health concerns and thought that I resolved them about 6 months before I got pregnant with Hailey. I still stayed gluten free for a good portion of Hailey's pregnancy. It wasn't until I was encouraged to eat a little bit more when it comes to carbs and then after she was born that I stopped being gluten free. 

I'm not saying that being on gluten was the cause of both my miscarriages nor am I blaming myself for either, but going gluten free has been a healthier lifestyle that has made me feel better. A lot of people don't realize that when you become gluten free, it takes gluten about a month or so to have it completely removed from of your system. You might feel better but underlying issues might still be seen. Unfortunately, if this was at all a cause or factor in my miscarriage, I found out too late.

After my miscarriage in early June, we worked with a fertility clinic to make sure everything with our genes aren't the problem. Thankfully, I carry no genes that would cause miscarriages (which also meant Josh was in the clear) but we didn't get too many answers other than that. While going through testing, I kept reading and watching information about people with PCOS symptoms and how it's becoming more common with little known reason for why more women are dealing with these issues. After research, I learned that more recently it was understood that PCOS has been showing more of an insulin resistance response, which continued to prove my theory that gluten can be the cause of my infertility lately. I also follow a couple where the husband who helped reverse the wife's PCOS through cooking her meals that were gluten free and dairy free. Now they have 2 beautiful daughters, which is very inspiring. Although I am not dairy free yet, I already noticed going gluten free started reversing some previous pre-pregnancy symptoms that were even better than before Hailey so it made me think that I should be treating my body like it deals with PCOS symptoms.

His Plan is Always Perfect

If you stuck with me through the research rabbit trail and discoveries I made in the summer, I'm glad you stuck around. However, if you skipped ahead to here, I'm still glad you stayed because you get to hear what's been happening lately. There is still a little bit of medical talk but it's important to this part of the story.

The rest of the summer was pretty busy with working with a fertility clinic (mentioned in the last paragraph of the section above) and seeing things checking out in the event that there is a cause genetically. After checking all the boxes and given a clean bill of health in the genetic department on my side, the plan was for me to do a hybrid IUI treatment, which was daily blood thinner injections and then progesterone supplementation once I was pregnant. Although the daily blood thinner injections seemed uncomfortable, I was willing to go through it because we feel like God has been calling us to grow our family.

We were told that we'd start treatment once my next cycle started but I ended up finding out I was pregnant again before that at the beginning of September. Thankfully, we skipped the pre-pregnancy blood thinner injections (to provide more blood flow to the baby) and went straight into it along with a high dosage of progesterone supplementation because my body definitely needs help with progesterone.

Unfortunately, 3 days before finding out we were pregnant, Josh's company told him that they were laying him off and he would be unemployed at the start of November, which means we would also lose our health insurance at the end of November. It was definitely a lot of mixed feelings for both of us. Fear. Excitement. Frustration. Joy. The timing for both to happen at the same time weren't great, especially since we were expecting to have my sister living with us a few weeks later, but we were trusting that God will take care of all of us.

But God used both our situations to support each other. While I struggled with doubts that this baby will make it, Josh made sure to continuously encourage me and support me with the extra maintenance it required to give this baby the best chance it could have. While Josh grappled job loss and feeling betrayed by the company he supported for over 6 years, I was able to reassure him that God has something much better planned as he was already considering job hunting for the last 6 months.

We were purposely looking for the blessings amongst what felt like chaos. Melanie has been a blessing to have around as she has been really great at helping around the house but especially helpful loving on Hailey when I struggle with the energy to do very much since I've been on a high progesterone dosage. At around 6 weeks, we confirmed that there was an embryo. At around 7-8 weeks, we heard the heartbeat (bringing me nearly to tears) but we knew we weren't out of the woods yet, but having that heartbeat was a HUGE milestone for us.

I'll be officially 14 weeks on Monday, which means we made it to the second trimester! I've already graduated from the blood thinner injections and I have been working on weaning my body off the progesterone and should be off it completely in the beginning of December. I'm slowly getting energy back and look forward to feeling more normal. We also got to see our baby again a few days ago because he/she is great at playing hide and seek and refused to allow the midwives to get his/her heartbeat. This little one made us laugh because he/she is just as wiggly as much (if not more) than Hailey was. Plus, he/she has an obsession with his/her hands like big sister.

Soon after we heard the heartbeat, I ordered this onesie as the going home onesie for this little one. I felt it was the most appropriate because although this year has been hard for us and we may not know why we're going through everything that we have, God's plan is perfect and He deserves all the glory here.

This little one should be joining our crew in May 2025.