His Plan is Always Perfect

As if this year has been not been hard for us already, God decided that we needed to be stretched more.

It has been a very busy summer (and then fall) for us. A lot has happened since I last posted in June, but I'll back up a little more to fill in some gaps before I get into the meat. This will get a bit science and health related. If you're not interested, feel free to skip to the section titled His Plan is Always Perfect. I think my PCOS friends might appreciate the findings I have in hopes that they can find healing as well. I am no doctor, but I'll always advocate for healthier living.

Listening, Reflecting, and Researching Health

The day before I found out I was pregnant in April before my latest loss, I heard someone share their experiences with their fertility struggles and how one of the tests they took was a gluten related test as they shared their testimony. That made me think of how my diet was before I was pregnant with Hailey and the start of my pregnancy with her. Before Hailey, I was struggling with some health concerns through my entire engagement and first 9 months of marriage with Josh, which is why I went gluten free. I figured out the partial cause of the biggest health concerns and thought that I resolved them about 6 months before I got pregnant with Hailey. I still stayed gluten free for a good portion of Hailey's pregnancy. It wasn't until I was encouraged to eat a little bit more when it comes to carbs and then after she was born that I stopped being gluten free. 

I'm not saying that being on gluten was the cause of both my miscarriages nor am I blaming myself for either, but going gluten free has been a healthier lifestyle that has made me feel better. A lot of people don't realize that when you become gluten free, it takes gluten about a month or so to have it completely removed from of your system. You might feel better but underlying issues might still be seen. Unfortunately, if this was at all a cause or factor in my miscarriage, I found out too late.

After my miscarriage in early June, we worked with a fertility clinic to make sure everything with our genes aren't the problem. Thankfully, I carry no genes that would cause miscarriages (which also meant Josh was in the clear) but we didn't get too many answers other than that. While going through testing, I kept reading and watching information about people with PCOS symptoms and how it's becoming more common with little known reason for why more women are dealing with these issues. After research, I learned that more recently it was understood that PCOS has been showing more of an insulin resistance response, which continued to prove my theory that gluten can be the cause of my infertility lately. I also follow a couple where the husband who helped reverse the wife's PCOS through cooking her meals that were gluten free and dairy free. Now they have 2 beautiful daughters, which is very inspiring. Although I am not dairy free yet, I already noticed going gluten free started reversing some previous pre-pregnancy symptoms that were even better than before Hailey so it made me think that I should be treating my body like it deals with PCOS symptoms.

His Plan is Always Perfect

If you stuck with me through the research rabbit trail and discoveries I made in the summer, I'm glad you stuck around. However, if you skipped ahead to here, I'm still glad you stayed because you get to hear what's been happening lately. There is still a little bit of medical talk but it's important to this part of the story.

The rest of the summer was pretty busy with working with a fertility clinic (mentioned in the last paragraph of the section above) and seeing things checking out in the event that there is a cause genetically. After checking all the boxes and given a clean bill of health in the genetic department on my side, the plan was for me to do a hybrid IUI treatment, which was daily blood thinner injections and then progesterone supplementation once I was pregnant. Although the daily blood thinner injections seemed uncomfortable, I was willing to go through it because we feel like God has been calling us to grow our family.

We were told that we'd start treatment once my next cycle started but I ended up finding out I was pregnant again before that at the beginning of September. Thankfully, we skipped the pre-pregnancy blood thinner injections (to provide more blood flow to the baby) and went straight into it along with a high dosage of progesterone supplementation because my body definitely needs help with progesterone.

Unfortunately, 3 days before finding out we were pregnant, Josh's company told him that they were laying him off and he would be unemployed at the start of November, which means we would also lose our health insurance at the end of November. It was definitely a lot of mixed feelings for both of us. Fear. Excitement. Frustration. Joy. The timing for both to happen at the same time weren't great, especially since we were expecting to have my sister living with us a few weeks later, but we were trusting that God will take care of all of us.

But God used both our situations to support each other. While I struggled with doubts that this baby will make it, Josh made sure to continuously encourage me and support me with the extra maintenance it required to give this baby the best chance it could have. While Josh grappled job loss and feeling betrayed by the company he supported for over 6 years, I was able to reassure him that God has something much better planned as he was already considering job hunting for the last 6 months.

We were purposely looking for the blessings amongst what felt like chaos. Melanie has been a blessing to have around as she has been really great at helping around the house but especially helpful loving on Hailey when I struggle with the energy to do very much since I've been on a high progesterone dosage. At around 6 weeks, we confirmed that there was an embryo. At around 7-8 weeks, we heard the heartbeat (bringing me nearly to tears) but we knew we weren't out of the woods yet, but having that heartbeat was a HUGE milestone for us.

I'll be officially 14 weeks on Monday, which means we made it to the second trimester! I've already graduated from the blood thinner injections and I have been working on weaning my body off the progesterone and should be off it completely in the beginning of December. I'm slowly getting energy back and look forward to feeling more normal. We also got to see our baby again a few days ago because he/she is great at playing hide and seek and refused to allow the midwives to get his/her heartbeat. This little one made us laugh because he/she is just as wiggly as much (if not more) than Hailey was. Plus, he/she has an obsession with his/her hands like big sister.

Soon after we heard the heartbeat, I ordered this onesie as the going home onesie for this little one. I felt it was the most appropriate because although this year has been hard for us and we may not know why we're going through everything that we have, God's plan is perfect and He deserves all the glory here.

This little one should be joining our crew in May 2025.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 17 - Tree of Life Birthing Center and Midwives

It seemed fitting that today be given to the Tree of Life Birthing Center and the midwives that work there. Today is my due date and baby girl hasn't arrived yet, but the midwives have been really great to help educate my husband and I on everything for our daughter coming soon. They've been really focusing on whole health for both the baby and me using more natural methods, such as vitamins and diet. Plus, I'll be able to go home same day and have my baby by my side the entire time. From having low platelet levels and stabilizing them to getting us equipped with knowledge for when the baby does come, I'm grateful that I get to have been given this experience.

Even though my daughter managed to get herself stuck on my right side (preventing her from being born) whether out of stubbornness or accident, I've been given some exercises that should get her to move naturally in the position she needs to be so that we can finally meet her. It's only a matter of time before she'll make her appearance and all 3 of us can be home getting rest and plenty of snuggles.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 16 - My Job

Day 16 goes to my job as an instructional designer. Being an instructional designer is probably the best fit for me when it comes to work. The job is unique because I get to teach without having to do it in person. I may not see the immediate results but I know the things I create have a huge impact on those who take the training. I find that working for a global company in the software industry has been a challenge that I thrive in. As an instructional designer, I wear many hats and I'm always learning new ways to best represent information using images, cartoons, quizzes, and even games.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 15 - My Company

Day 15 goes to my company, Hyland. God has really blessed me with Hyland. It was exactly what we needed for my mental health, work-life balance, and for our growing family. The team I work with are really great and my boss trusts my judgement with my work. The fact that I can take 8 weeks of maternity leave is a blessing that I'm very grateful I'll get to use very soon.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 14 - Josh's Family

Day 14 goes to Josh's family. After meeting Josh, they accepted me in their family very quickly and it was a good fit. It's always a blast hanging out with them and teasing each one of them. I'm grateful that God put them in my life and I get to be a part of their family. Moving to Florida was hard leaving them but we look forward to at least seeing Josh's parents in a couple of weeks.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 13 - My Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins

Day 13 goes to all my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I have been blessed to have a large family that is pretty close knit. It's always a blast getting to spend time with each of them when we get to visit. Holidays have always been my favorite and I look forward to being able to celebrate with my family in the future with our little one.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 12 - My Grandparents

Day 12 goes to my grandparents. I've grown up only knowing what it's like to have only two grandparents and it has always seemed foreign to me thinking that I could have four, but my Mom-mom and Pop-Pop have easily made up for that with their love, care, and the things they have taught me over the years. Because of what they taught me, I can sew, garden, find ways to make an extra income, do small maintenance on my car, and have another great example of a Godly marriage. When it comes to grandparents, I have the best you can get! I look forward to giving them their first great-grandchild hopefully this week.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 11 - Modern Medicine

I thought modern medicine (that I'm currently allowed to take being pregnant) would be fitting for today because yesterday I woke up what I thought was a cold, but it turned out to be the flu by the afternoon. I also hit 39 weeks in my pregnancy so it wasn't the most opportune time for me to get the flu since I can go into labor at any point.

Although I was very achy and weak with a fever and a pounding headache yesterday, I was able to eventually get the sleep I need and control some of the symptoms so that I feel a million times better today. I can tell baby was also conserving energy, too, since she was being less active and allowing me to get the rest I needed in order for me to gain the energy I'll need to deliver her. I can tell my body is still a little tired from working hard to fight off this illness, but I'm grateful that I was able to break my fever overnight and the worst of the symptoms have gone away.

I have a feeling that I'll feel almost back to my normal self by the end of the weekend and I think baby will follow suit in being ready to make her appearance not too long after that.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 10 - My Sister

Day 10 goes to my sister. I'm thankful for my little sister, Mel. My sister has been a great blessing to my life. She has taught me so much in the 16 years that she's been around. She is fun to be around, very sassy and smart (sometimes it's scary how sassy and smart she is), and seems to do everything I did at her age but better. I'm so happy I was able to celebrate her sweet sixteen with her before she becomes an aunt. I'm excited to see where God takes you next since you've been doing quite a lot the past year or so.

I love you, Mel! Thanks for being the sister I never knew I needed in my life.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 9 - My Brother

Day 9 goes to my brother, Sam. Sam and I might not have gotten along very well growing up, but now it's pretty fun any time I get to hang out with you. You're funny, willing to help, and driven once you have a plan. You're also very good at keeping me on your feet since you have a knack for teasing those closest to you.

I'm excited to see where life takes you next as I've seen some really big life changes you've made this year. It's been a joy watching you pursue something you're really passionate about this past year and figuring out how you plan to make it work. I look forward to seeing you pursue your dream of international business and making the strides to get there.

I love you, Sambo! Thanks for being the brother you are, and I know you will be an awesome uncle to my daughter. You get the favorite uncle award by default, but I think it'll be pretty clear that she'll love you very much since you're good with kids and know how to make everyone around you laugh and have a good time.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 8 - The United States and My Rights

Day 8 goes to the country I live in and the rights I have. I'm thankful for a country that has given us freedoms in we are allowed to exercise, such as voting, and has written documentation created to protect those freedoms. Even though it seems like some are trying to take those rights away, there are still many who continue to fight so that US citizens can keep our rights. I'm also very grateful for those who fight for those freedoms that I take for granted every day.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 7 - My Dad

Day 7 goes to my dad. I'm thankful for my dad. My dad has encouraged me to do my best for God's glory in all I do. From my hobbies of reading and playing board games to my career as a mix of writer, designer, and teacher, I can see how my dad has been such an influence on me. But nothing tops your hugs and your jokes! I'm excited how you will grow into being a Pop-pop for my little girl. I think it might become one of your favorite roles.

I love you, Dad! Thanks for being a great dad and mentor. Just like mom, I wouldn't have turned out to be the person I am without you.

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 6: My Church

Since today is Sunday, I thought today would be a good day to make the church we've been attending the last 3 months as Day 6. Once we first moved into Orlando area, it was really important to us to find a church that was a strong Bible teaching church that allowed us to connect as well as for any kids we do.

I discovered Discovery Church almost immediately after moving and we have been so encouraged and challenged by the pastors' teachings. We happened to start attending the first week they were "advertising" their groups to allow others to get connected, which was definitely something we both prayed we'd find in the church. Because I was already in my third trimester, it was important for me to get connected more quickly so I was able to join an evening women's Bible study group. The study we just finished has continued to be encouragement to me and allow me to feel more prepared for being a mom soon since it reaffirmed how God made women special with very specific roles that fit His purposes. We look forward to each Sunday and what the Lord uses in these messages to teach us more about Him.

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 5: My Mom

Day 5 goes to my mom. I'm so very thankful for my mom. My mom and I used to butt heads a lot while I was growing up, but her kindness, gentleness, and servant's heart have always stuck with me. She has been such a great example of the wife I wanted to become and the mother I hope to be to my daughter and other future children.

She's one of my best friends after I started living on my own. I enjoy all of the conversations we have and the photos of the funny cats she sends. I look forward to having her visit and getting to meet her granddaughter as we share the joys of being mothers together.

I love you, Momma! Thanks for being a great mom and friend. I wouldn't have turned out to be the person I am without you.

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 4: Healing

I feel like Day 2 (Esther) and Day 3 (Josh) were God's way to lead to me to the healing I needed in the last 5 years.

I was talking with Josh the other day and he mentioned to me that the smile that he sees on my face and how I carry myself is so different than when we first met. He further explained that the person he met over 2 years ago was a little broken who was still healing from some deep hurt but refused to let that stop her from growing. To hear this, it filled me with such gratitude because I never thought that I'd get to this place. It hasn't been an easy road but I knew in the long run after going through the healing process that it would be all worth working through all the pain.

No longer do I feel like the anxious mess I felt held captive by deep inside. Instead, I feel far more at peace and relaxed even when things seem difficult. Today, I can reflect on everything I've been through and pinpoint instances and the people in my life where God used what He has taught me through those trials. Through these trials, God has made me into a better daughter, sister, wife, friend, and soon a mom.

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 3: Josh

Day 3 goes to Josh. People say your husband/wife should be like a best friend and I definitely have to say that Josh fits that for me. He has been such a blessing since he came into my life. It seems like we've known each other longer than 2.5 years. He is a great provider, husband, encourager, and my biggest advocate. He is wise, clever, and a great listener.

Even when I'm down or not feeling like myself, he sees what he could do to help me feel better or more comfortable. He encourages me in my faith, relationships, and work. He laughs along with me and handles my sass with grace and more jokes.

Whether we're home working remotely, watching something on our tv, traveling somewhere, or going out to try out a new restaurant in the area, every day seems like an adventure. It's hard to imagine life without him by my side now, and I'm excited to start a new adventure together as parents to our little girl we're eagerly waiting to arrive in these last few days.

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 2: Esther

Day 2 of giving thanks goes to Esther. God knew I needed a friend like Esther in my life, especially after moving across the country.  She has challenged and encouraged me in so many ways over the 5 years I've known her. She follows the Lord with such tenacity and it shows in the way she interacts with anyone she comes across.

God taught me through Esther the joys of being spontaneous and what a true friend is. When we both lived in Washington, we spent many nights past 2am driving to the local 24/7 Mexican drive thru and parking near the local park where we talked about everything in life. That included our desires to be wives and mothers and what we think that would look like. Fast forward a couple of years and the both of us get to walk those stages of life together. Even though we're a couple of states away, we continue to stay in touch and try to be a support each other. As I'm days away from welcoming my little Hailey, I'm blessed that I get to watch Esther grow into the mother she dreamed of being as she loves on her sweet little newborn daughter.

Once life as moms settles down for us, I look forward to reuniting with her and having our daughters play with each other. I look forward to the laughs we'll have, the things we'll do together, and teach our daughters along the way. 

Hope you have a happy birthday today! Love you, girly!

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 1: God and My Relationship with Him

I feel like I've tried doing this multiple times and just have not had success being able to finish through to the end of the month. I feel like it's more possible this month but also a little daunting while I spend time writing this during the last few days of my pregnancy and first days as being a mom. As I feel the signs of labor coming in the next days or weeks, I've been definitely feeling a lot more rush of emotions of gratitude, peace, and excitement. 

Without further ado, I'll start with Day 1. For Day 1, I'm most thankful for God and my relationship with Him. I feel like this one is explanatory. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't have a relationship with Christ that started at age 14. I'm forever grateful for the life God has given me and the opportunities I have to share His love with others. Tomorrow and the rest of November will be more in depth examples that stem from all that God has blessed me with the things and people I am thankful for. 

Oh the Places You Go

First day on the road (WA State)

People always ask us why we made a decision to move to Florida, which seems so drastic. I feel like now that Josh and I are a little bit settled down in Florida (and I have a day off work) I can share how God brought us to Florida.

This past year we celebrated our first year of marriage. In that year, God has allowed us to refine our family vision that we started talking about when we were dating and figuring out whether the life we hoped to live would match up. Thankfully, our visions were and still are the same. Because family is important to the both of us, we've been listening to God's call and felt his pull to move to Florida.

How the Idea of Moving Came to Us

Church with a huge cross in Texas we passed

The idea of moving to Florida wasn't a moment where we closed our eyes, spun ourselves in a circle, and then put our finger on a map. Our move to Florida is a work of God. God came to us individually about this and we both wrestled with this internally before we shared this with each other. Neither of us initially wanted to move because it would mean we would be leaving Josh's family and it didn't help that my cross country move to Washington was pretty traumatic even though I've never shared that publicly online.

We felt like God was calling us to move for many reasons one of those being the atrociously high costs of the Washington housing market. We wouldn't be able to afford buying a home for several years if we stayed and I would have to continue working despite our decision for me to homeschool our children. Florida has the potential for us to not only buy a home, but also build one that is a multi-generational home where we could end up taking care of our parents later in the future but also use our home as a ministry. 

Despite knowing this fact, we came to the conclusion that if God is truly calling us to move we would give time for the decision, continue being open to the idea that He wants us to move Florida, and seek counsel from our loved ones and others affected by this decision. Over the course of a year, God has given us some of the biggest signs that would be clear to us that He wants us to continue pursuing this move.

Family First

Red Cat Café menu board in Birmingham, AL

It was important for us that both our families were onboard with our plans. If they weren't onboard, we knew this was a clear sign that God did not want us to pursue the idea of moving away from family. We were honestly surprised with their responses. It turns out Josh's parents and grandmother want to move as well, but it'll probably take them about 3-5 years once Josh's dad is able to retire.

With living on the opposite side of the country from my family, it's hard to find affordable plane tickets from Washington to Pennsylvania. If we fly from Florida, it's a third of the cost on plane tickets, which makes it much easier to see my family. For visiting Washington, we can probably make it cheaper for us when Josh's company flies him out and pays for a hotel and car rental for us. All we'd have to pay is for my plane ticket (and "lap child" tax).

Work-Life Balance

One of the other concerns where we thought God might cause a red flag was our jobs. My job I was currently working at the time wouldn't have been a problem, but my new job was more than happy for me to be thinking about moving to the same time zone. It was Josh's job that we weren't sure would be on board with us moving to Florida. It turned out that Josh's company thought the move was beneficial for them since they needed IT presence in the east coast.

And Now We're in Florida

Made it to Florida!

Several other pieces aligned for us perfectly, too. With my new job, it doubled my income and allowed us to save exactly what we needed to get movers to ship our stuff across the country and to get us there. He has given us peace, especially for me, during a time that isn't easy. The road trip was as safe and easy as it can be, which was something I had wrestled with for weeks before this move. And despite being at the end of my second trimester, God has given me good health where I feel fairly normal and I am functioning during all these changes.

In front of our new home

God has blessed us immensely and has been reminding us in the last month with continued blessings through His provision. When we look out our windows in our living room, we have a clear view of a giant cross a few miles away, which gave us peace knowing that God has been with us and continues to be with us.

We've only tried one church out the past 2 weeks and the sermons series that the pastor is sharing is all about hearing and listening to God. It has been validating to us as we've had some moments of "Is this really God or is this our own selfish desires?" In yesterday's sermon, the pastor listed off how to determine if a decision is God inspired or if it's our selfishness, which included

• Your thinking aligns with God's Word (2 Corinthians 6:14-16)
• Your thinking aligns with Godly counsel
• Your thinking aligns with time - Don't be in a hurry
• Your thinking with God's purposes (Romans 8:28, 11:36, James 4:3)
• Your thinking aligns with peace (John 14:26-27, 16:33, Philippians 4:6-7)

As we listened, we both took in all that the pastor said and both felt comforted that what the Bible says we're following God's, and He wants us to know not to be downhearted about missing family and friends we left in Washington for this move since we'll still be able to see them again when we visit.

The birthing center where our daughter will be born

Finally, I was able to quickly get into the birthing center that I researched like crazy so that I could get the best care for me and our daughter during these last few months. It's honestly a God thing. Thankfully, it didn't cost a fortune for the rest of the care and labor and delivery fees, which are all paid. I know a lot of new moms are afraid of childbirth, but I walked out of my consultation with confidence and peace with our decision. I'm surprisingly at peace with the idea of childbirth and plan to use this experience as a way to thank God that He has given me a body that has cared so well for this baby despite how much my health suffered in the past. I'm enjoying every little kick and tickle this little girl gives me as we count down the weeks when we can finally meet our daughter and take her home with us.

The Start of My Golden Year

Golden Birthday (n.) - The birthday on which the numeral of one's age matches that of the day of the month. Example: Age 27 on June 27th

I only found out about a year ago that a golden birthday is a thing. You may think it's silly and it kind of is, but it really seems like it's going to be a golden year for me. I'm 27 today on the 27th and I'm thankful for the life God gave me.

Last year I wrote that I didn't feel any different than the year before, but this year I have to say I definitely do feel different. It could be all the pregnancy hormones and changes happening to my body. I may feel exhausted mentally and physically by the end of the day but my spirit feels rejuvenated. I think part of this could be from all the changes going on in both of Josh and my life.

Working for a new company has been a blessing and a challenge. Powering through in my first trimester while starting a new job has not been the most fun, but God really has provided for us and has paved the way for our future plans. My company is very good about promoting a life-work balance that allows me to focus on my health and making sure I get the rest and care I need. I also found out not too long ago that I'll be able to spend 11 weeks of paid time off with our baby, which is something I wouldn't have had working at my previous company. We're making plans for family visits and adjusting to life during the time I'll have available.

Our little bean is halfway to making his or her appearance since I'll be officially 20 weeks on Thursday. This pregnancy has been both fast and slow. We look forward to every appointment. This little one is very active and likes to remind me once in a while that they're still in there. It's funny watching my midwife trying to measure the baby's heart beat while the baby is moving around as if it knows that we're trying to check in on it. Josh and I are excited to find out whether our baby will be a boy or girl on July 6th.

Over the past month, we've been packing boxes and getting rid of furniture that we won't need right away and plan to replace eventually as we prepare for our cross country move. It's bittersweet for us. We'll miss our friends and family in Washington, but we know Florida is where God wants us to go and how we can provide a better future for our families. We also managed to buy our bed upgrade that we planned on buying so that we have a guest bed, and we'll have that delivered to us within our first week of living in our new place.