Even though my daughter managed to get herself stuck on my right side (preventing her from being born) whether out of stubbornness or accident, I've been given some exercises that should get her to move naturally in the position she needs to be so that we can finally meet her. It's only a matter of time before she'll make her appearance and all 3 of us can be home getting rest and plenty of snuggles.
I thought modern medicine (that I'm currently allowed to take being pregnant) would be fitting for today because yesterday I woke up what I thought was a cold, but it turned out to be the flu by the afternoon. I also hit 39 weeks in my pregnancy so it wasn't the most opportune time for me to get the flu since I can go into labor at any point.
Although I was very achy and weak with a fever and a pounding headache yesterday, I was able to eventually get the sleep I need and control some of the symptoms so that I feel a million times better today. I can tell baby was also conserving energy, too, since she was being less active and allowing me to get the rest I needed in order for me to gain the energy I'll need to deliver her. I can tell my body is still a little tired from working hard to fight off this illness, but I'm grateful that I was able to break my fever overnight and the worst of the symptoms have gone away.
I have a feeling that I'll feel almost back to my normal self by the end of the weekend and I think baby will follow suit in being ready to make her appearance not too long after that.
I love you, Mel! Thanks for being the sister I never knew I needed in my life.
I'm excited to see where life takes you next as I've seen some really big life changes you've made this year. It's been a joy watching you pursue something you're really passionate about this past year and figuring out how you plan to make it work. I look forward to seeing you pursue your dream of international business and making the strides to get there.
I love you, Sambo! Thanks for being the brother you are, and I know you will be an awesome uncle to my daughter. You get the favorite uncle award by default, but I think it'll be pretty clear that she'll love you very much since you're good with kids and know how to make everyone around you laugh and have a good time.
I love you, Dad! Thanks for being a great dad and mentor. Just like mom, I wouldn't have turned out to be the person I am without you.
I discovered Discovery Church almost immediately after moving and we have been so encouraged and challenged by the pastors' teachings. We happened to start attending the first week they were "advertising" their groups to allow others to get connected, which was definitely something we both prayed we'd find in the church. Because I was already in my third trimester, it was important for me to get connected more quickly so I was able to join an evening women's Bible study group. The study we just finished has continued to be encouragement to me and allow me to feel more prepared for being a mom soon since it reaffirmed how God made women special with very specific roles that fit His purposes. We look forward to each Sunday and what the Lord uses in these messages to teach us more about Him.
She's one of my best friends after I started living on my own. I enjoy all of the conversations we have and the photos of the funny cats she sends. I look forward to having her visit and getting to meet her granddaughter as we share the joys of being mothers together.
I love you, Momma! Thanks for being a great mom and friend. I wouldn't have turned out to be the person I am without you.
Even when I'm down or not feeling like myself, he sees what he could do to help me feel better or more comfortable. He encourages me in my faith, relationships, and work. He laughs along with me and handles my sass with grace and more jokes.
Whether we're home working remotely, watching something on our tv, traveling somewhere, or going out to try out a new restaurant in the area, every day seems like an adventure. It's hard to imagine life without him by my side now, and I'm excited to start a new adventure together as parents to our little girl we're eagerly waiting to arrive in these last few days.
God taught me through Esther the joys of being spontaneous and what a true friend is. When we both lived in Washington, we spent many nights past 2am driving to the local 24/7 Mexican drive thru and parking near the local park where we talked about everything in life. That included our desires to be wives and mothers and what we think that would look like. Fast forward a couple of years and the both of us get to walk those stages of life together. Even though we're a couple of states away, we continue to stay in touch and try to be a support each other. As I'm days away from welcoming my little Hailey, I'm blessed that I get to watch Esther grow into the mother she dreamed of being as she loves on her sweet little newborn daughter.
Once life as moms settles down for us, I look forward to reuniting with her and having our daughters play with each other. I look forward to the laughs we'll have, the things we'll do together, and teach our daughters along the way.
Hope you have a happy birthday today! Love you, girly!
I feel like I've tried doing this multiple times and just have not had success being able to finish through to the end of the month. I feel like it's more possible this month but also a little daunting while I spend time writing this during the last few days of my pregnancy and first days as being a mom. As I feel the signs of labor coming in the next days or weeks, I've been definitely feeling a lot more rush of emotions of gratitude, peace, and excitement.
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| First day on the road (WA State) |
This past year we celebrated our first year of marriage. In that year, God has allowed us to refine our family vision that we started talking about when we were dating and figuring out whether the life we hoped to live would match up. Thankfully, our visions were and still are the same. Because family is important to the both of us, we've been listening to God's call and felt his pull to move to Florida.
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| Church with a huge cross in Texas we passed |
We felt like God was calling us to move for many reasons one of those being the atrociously high costs of the Washington housing market. We wouldn't be able to afford buying a home for several years if we stayed and I would have to continue working despite our decision for me to homeschool our children. Florida has the potential for us to not only buy a home, but also build one that is a multi-generational home where we could end up taking care of our parents later in the future but also use our home as a ministry.
Despite knowing this fact, we came to the conclusion that if God is truly calling us to move we would give time for the decision, continue being open to the idea that He wants us to move Florida, and seek counsel from our loved ones and others affected by this decision. Over the course of a year, God has given us some of the biggest signs that would be clear to us that He wants us to continue pursuing this move.
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| Red Cat Café menu board in Birmingham, AL |
With living on the opposite side of the country from my family, it's hard to find affordable plane tickets from Washington to Pennsylvania. If we fly from Florida, it's a third of the cost on plane tickets, which makes it much easier to see my family. For visiting Washington, we can probably make it cheaper for us when Josh's company flies him out and pays for a hotel and car rental for us. All we'd have to pay is for my plane ticket (and "lap child" tax).
One of the other concerns where we thought God might cause a red flag was our jobs. My job I was currently working at the time wouldn't have been a problem, but my new job was more than happy for me to be thinking about moving to the same time zone. It was Josh's job that we weren't sure would be on board with us moving to Florida. It turned out that Josh's company thought the move was beneficial for them since they needed IT presence in the east coast.
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| Made it to Florida! |
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| In front of our new home |
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| The birthing center where our daughter will be born |
2021 was not the year a lot of us were expecting. A lot of us hoped that life would get back to normal, and it did for some and lot of us it didn't. I've been one to never let anything stop me, and I'm grateful that I married someone who is just as determined and stubborn as me in this way. As I think over everything that has happened this year, it feels like it's been one of the longest and one of the shortest years I've lived through. God has blessed me (and, of course, Josh) so much in ways that have truly humbled us. I personally felt like despite everything going against us in this world God has been paving the way He wants us to go and we are following it in faith and confidence. We aren't where I expected us to be but I don't mean that in a bad way at all.
Just Married!
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| Officially married |
It's hard to believe that Josh and I have only been married for just over 9 months because this year felt so long. Our plans for our wedding had changed multiple times because of the restrictions in Washington kept changing. Combine that with having my family fly across the country was such a feat, but against all the challenges Josh and I got married in March through God's providence and strength. Married life has been a learning curve (But when isn't it?), but it has been such a blessing for us and we're grateful that God brought us together. I can't believe that more than 9 months have past since we got married. It felt so quick yet like we've been married for 3 years.
Home
Before getting married, I was living as bare bones as you could possibly think. It wasn't so much out of choice, but because I didn't have money for more than the bare necessities. Through the generosity and gifts of others for our wedding to being diligent about making sure our house needs are filled, our home feels homey and that I don't feel like I am just in boxes ready to move to the next apartment or house.
After we got married, our first priority when it came to our home and lifestyle was to be better stewards with God has given us. We prayed that God will help us find a way where we could be right in the middle of Josh's immediate family and extended family and friends so that we could be generous with our home. This meant increased income for at least one of us, which God provided exactly what we needed. In September, we moved an hour north of where the apartment we lived when we first got married so that we're in the middle of where Josh's family and friends live. It has been an adjustment for us, but we have been learning how to really enjoy our townhouse and the ability to host our home, serve a weekly meal to others, and fellowship with others.
Health
My health has been a roller coaster this year. I struggled with a lot of symptoms for most of the year and have done a lot of experimenting with food and lifestyle. I found that gluten and dairy aren't my friends and cause me to struggle with physical ailments and cause depression and anxiety to occur more often. It also doesn't help that my job can be very mentally draining and stressful for me. I'm taking things one day at a time and I'm in the process of figuring out all of these issues. I still have more to figure out but we're getting closer to finding myself feeling better mentally and physically. I'm relying on God for the strength I need to deal with these issues as I experience them and as I learn more about them.
Career
This year has been a really busy year professionally for me (and Josh as well). I got a great raise that puts me closer to what I should be paid and allows us to save for a house. I've also been taking more of a leadership position in my company. Despite my efforts to find a new job for 6 months after getting married, it was pretty clear that God wanted me to stay where I'm at and see the needs in my company. I've identified them and put together a plan so that my company is aware of the benefits of allowing me to mend the gap. Because I know both sides of the business, I've become a huge support for other coworkers by assisting in a somewhat IT troubleshoot position as well as making sure that their work is done well and on time when extra assistance is necessary.
In addition to this, I've learned a lot of new information and increased my skill set in 3 main areas: IT Support, Project Management, and UX Design. It has made my life a bit chaotic but it has definitely been worth it. I'm looking forward to where all of this will take me for the next 2-5 years (and even after that) that I work in my career before I step away from my position and become a homemaker, which I'm very much looking forward to being.
Travel
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| Cinderella's Castle at Magic Kingdom |
Not only did I travel to the east coast once, I did it again a second time but in a different location. Growing up I've always wanted to go to Disney World and my husband made that dream come true for our honeymoon in June. It also meant that I got to mark Florida as the 28th visited state, and I really enjoyed my time there. Going in June this year was probably the most economical time for the experience we got because they were starting to get back to normal life after Covid. Disney World is so magical and we had a blast spending 5 days running around like kids in an amusement park. I want to go back again, but we'll see when that will happen again.
Heading into 2022
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| Christmas Eve Service |
Here's another song reflection that has had a huge impact on me recently and in the past. Underneath both the video and lyrics, I'll give a reflection and/or anecdote of my life and how it really struck me.
Verse 1
Winter has come back againChorus 1
Hold on to me
Hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me
Verse 2
I am the wandering son
Enough is never enough
I keep chasing the wind
Instead of chasing Your love
I'm screaming out Your name
Don't let me fall on my face
I've got a busted heart
I'm in need of a change
Yeah, I'm desperate for grace.
Chorus 2
Hold on to me
Hold on to me
Take all of me
Hold on to me
Bridge (x3)
Broke Your heart a thousand times(Chorus 1 x2)
Outro
Winter will come to an end
Soon the season will end
I surrender tonight
You meet me right where I am
When I hear this song, I think of David, the prodigal son, and Job as well as many other Biblical figures who have suffered through some dark times.
Sometimes suffering was caused from their own sin, such as when David's punishment for committing adultery with Bathsheba and killing her husband to cover up their sin. David had gone through so much suffering for that sin. 4 of his sons died, including the baby that Bathsheba had and his son (Absalom) who tried to kill David, because of his sin. In Psalm 51, you can clearly see David's remorse and pain he is suffering from the decisions he made that got him to that point. I can imagine David praying to God to hold onto him and not to let go through all of the fear that he had been going through while hiding from his son who was trying to kill him. Despite how bad the things David did, he is still know as one of the greatest men of God and he was a patriarch in Christ's lineage.
Alright, now for the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). We all know this parable. What has always struck me most about this parable was not that he was wasteful of his inheritance nor how his father welcomed him home and threw a giant party. It was how the prodigal son was so very willing to be his father's servant. Before reuniting with his family, he was pretty much chasing the wind and enough was never enough when it came to what he could do with his inheritance. David sometimes reminds me of the parable of the prodigal son who pretty much throws away everything God has ever blessed him for earthly things. I can see the prodigal son desperate for any kind of grace going to his father pleading for him to not let him fall to his face despite deserving it, and his father (like God with David) still forgives and blesses him.
Then there's Job. He was blameless but he lost everything. He lost his children, home, and wealth. His friends treated him like he sinned against God, which they thought could be the only explanation for his suffering. Job knew he needed God and he held onto God despite his "friends" persecuting him for the things he lost that he had no control over, and this season God had put Job through must have felt like a "winter that won't end." Job had many moments where he asked, "Why me?" One those examples is his physical response of ripping his clothes and shaving his head in sorrow. Despite all of that, Job clung to God and, in the end, God blessed Job immensely more than what he had before.
This song has hit me so many times in my life when things seem tough. It is a constant reminder to me that no matter what happens in your life you need to cling to God, especially during the hard times. I also see the the suffering in some capacity that has happen to David, the prodigal son, and Job.
When it comes to my faith and certain things happening in my life right now, it feels like I am in that winter season that doesn't seem to end. For me, Covid has been such a blessing in so many areas, but it has been wearing on me more and more as the months go by. It was bearable the first few months before I had a new relationship and a wedding to distract me from the emotional, mental, and physical pain I had been trying to stuff down through all of the excitement. As I think about it, I can see how that led to my attitude throughout wedding planning.
I am very candid with some people in my life, especially my husband. I find myself saying to him that I can't pretend I am doing the best and that I don't have it figured out. And he has been such an encouragement. He prays with me and for me and finds ways to encourage me and support me. We're both going through so much change (some the same and some very different) in our lives and we're trying to navigate our changes both individually and together. It doesn't help that I have been feeling very spiritually depleted and feeling like I have no energy.
I have been in my Bible more than I ever have in my life but I have been struggling to feel the connection I have had before Covid and the beginning of Covid. But with everything that's happened in response to Covid and the things I have been struggling with health-wise, I constantly find myself asking, "Why? Why does my faith feel so attacked right now since we can't worship in the way we used to? Why is this country in such disarray? Why does my body shut down on me?" I know that there are seasons in our lives where it feels like God has gone "silent" and that's okay. That's when we need to cling onto God and ask Him to "hold on to me" like it says in this song. , I can say that despite how hard this social distancing and mask wearing has been for me, God has greatly blessed me like He had with Job. I met and married my husband during this crazy time. I can see how God is protecting me and using both my husband and I to support each other during this difficult period.
My health isn't what it used to be and it has gotten worse over the last year. The things I used to be able to do last year, such as a 10-mile hike, is not something I can do now. It's been very frustrating to deal with and I have a hard time coming to terms with that. If I push myself too hard, I will more than likely get a massive migraine that will take me out for the rest of the day and possibly make me feel wiped the next day. Even on a good day, I feel tired and headache-y all day no matter how much sleep I get.
I've always had unanswered questions why I feel the way I feel, but never could get the answer. I've been doing what I can so that I can feel more functional than what I'm used to, which is pushing myself to do the every day things I need to do. I've gone gluten free (in addition to being mostly dairy free) and that's helped a little bit, but it has been very discouraging because I can't have the things I enjoyed eating and it takes a lot of energy that I don't really have to make food that I can eat that's good for my body. Even though I am unable to solve the headaches/migraines induced by wearing a mask, I know I can rely on God for the strength and energy I need to get through the day and get the things I need done.
I am even more hopeful now that with better health insurance I can get those answers, which is such a blessing. I look forward to seeing my new doctor and talking with her the long list of symptoms that have been a daily and sporadic battle for me.
