Year 25: An Exhilarating Rollercoaster

Another year has past for me. I'm no longer 25 but I don't feel any different other than the fact that it has definitely been the best year of my life so far despite how challenging this year has been. If you'd asked me last year on my 25th birthday if I see myself where I am today, I'd probably laugh and say, "I'll probably be debt free and just doing what I can to enjoy the life I God gave me." Little did I know that the guy I went on two dates with at the time would be my husband almost 9 months later. This has been a year full of hills, valleys, and valleys in the hills. It has been the year of lots of positive changes.

At the beginning of 2020 (before Covid), I had a list of goals I wanted to accomplish. I didn't end up going to Hawaii or go scuba diving or travel around the country in a rigged up van. But the one goal I accomplished was paying off my loans. I believe this is really the only goal I accomplished even though I decided to wait to pay it off until the end of the year because the interest rate was frozen. I at least got that down.

I moved again this past year, which has been my 6th or 7th move in 5 years. I'm starting to lose count and I'm hoping that this trend of moving around isn't going to be a thing very soon. I've got furniture I like now so that's an additional motivator. I've also had 3 groups of friends move away in a matter of a month, which was hard to see, but it's good to see them doing so well. I think this was a driving force that God gave me to trust in Josh because I don't trust men very easily.

Surprisingly, I've traveled more in the last year than I have in my life. I've done 4 cross country round trips in 1 year; 2 of which were trips specifically to visit family. I got to mark off 2 more states from my list of states to visit because I got to see my best friend who moved to North Carolina and went to Disney World in Florida for our honeymoon. North Carolina was a nice respite through all of the chaos and stress from figuring out a wedding. Disney World was an experience I can't properly explain because it was like I was a kid again and experiencing a whole new world outside of the real world.

The most significant blessing and change that has happened to me is that I married Josh. I was pretty much close to burn out from constantly fighting to make ends meet. After Josh and his family came into my life, I started noticing so many positive changes in my life. It also didn't take long for all of us to be on the same page and know that we're a really great fit. We decided that we weren't going to wait to get married after Covid because it made sense to get married sooner rather than later.

Then there's the wedding planning...I never thought I'd have to plan a wedding during the most difficult time you could plan one. I always jokingly think that God likes making me really work for the things that I want and are good for me. Just like putting myself through college, wedding planning was very challenging. With the state of our country in response to Covid, it made planning not very fun. I knew that no matter what God will provide the wedding we'd need for Covid no matter how hard it might be. In the course of 5 months, I'd have to say that I planned about 4 or 5 weddings while working full time and moving out of my previous apartment to the one I currently live in. Despite it all, the wedding we had was beautiful and most of my family made it across the country to attend it. It also helped Josh and I communicate more and get to know each other a lot better so even that makes it even more worth it.

I also was able to share part of what my life is like in Washington with some family. I was really excited to bring my 14-year-old sister, Melanie, back with me 5 weeks before the wedding as well as my mother for 4 weeks. It was something I really wanted to share with them, and I was so glad that I finally could. It was such a fun time, and I'll always cherish the time that I had with them.

Finally, I truly realized I have been working my body so hard the last 8 years that it decided to shut down immediately after the wedding. I have been and currently still have some unexplainable symptoms but I have it mostly under control temporarily until I can get some medical help. I do have days where I am pretty tired and have a slight migraine, but I can manage to stay up just long enough and keep a migraine at bay right before it gets pretty bad. I did finally get some movement this month on what could be the cause. There are a couple ideas my new doctor thinks it could be, but I'll start getting some real answers after my blood work comes in from this week. I'm hopeful that I'll start feeling what normal can be like soon. Life is definitely starting to feel like a bunch of appointments and events for me. It's good to start feeling like normal life is coming back again, but it's definitely been overwhelming for me at times. It's just a new normal where I'm learning how to say "no" so that I can have a small break in the week for my health.

My birthday this year has been a stark difference from the last few years because I've spent a lot of my birthdays alone, especially last year. Changes like these can be pretty overwhelming for me so spending it with a group of people who want to do what I want to do is definitely not what I'm used to now.  Thankfully, it's been a relaxing birthday for me.

I'm excited to see the changes and things God will bring in my life in this coming year. I'm looking forward to hopefully feeling better and getting the answers I need. Josh and I have plans (both short term and long term) but we're relying on God and praying to get the direction we need. A lot can happen in 1 year like this past year where I went from single and just making ends meet to being married to a great man and having the stability to get the care and time I need to take care of the health issues that I've been struggling with the past few years.

To the Man Who Loves Me (Part 3)

 A quick recap of "To the Man Who Broke Me (Part 1)" and "To God Who Restores Me (Part2):"

The girl dated a very narcissistic abusive man who she felt deep in her heart that she shouldn't have. She went through 4 years of hardship as she tried to remove herself from this man who held onto her so tightly. She managed to get away only because the country shut down because of a quarantine.

Through the help of God's guidance and protection, the girl saw a lot of healing happen within herself a year before she was able to remove herself from this abusive man. She was ready for what God wanted her to do next even though the Covid-19 pandemic was only at its start.

Now back to the story. The girl starts her journey into online dating while also making plans to live in a van or save for school. The girl sifts through many profiles of men that are in her age range. She matches with several suitors over the course of 3 months. She goes on a couple of not-so-great dates with one guy who had some commitment issues. The girl feels that she is exhausting her options of Christian men in a 100-mile radius to the point where only 1 new guy would show up every few days.

In early June, she considers deleting the Bumble because it seemed like God was closing that door and she was ready to continue on with the other two options. She decides that she will give herself a couple more weeks of using the app and would stop using it on her 25th birthday at the end of the month.

A couple days before she visits family in early-mid June, she stumbles upon a guy's profile that stuck out to her more than any profile. His love for God, his family and friends, and his hobbies intrigues her, but she thinks he is way out of her league. Yes, she still swipes right thinking, "Well, it won't hurt. He'll probably move on pretty quickly."

A few more days pass and she is looking forward to a beach trip with some childhood friends and seeing her family because it's almost been a year since she has seen them. She flies across the country with her mask on and luggage in hand. After she runs across from one side of the airport to the other to catch her layover, she looks down at her phone out of breath but relieved that she didn't miss her flight to her hometown. She notices that she has a new match on Bumble. It's the man who she thought is out of her league. She takes a shot in the dark and messages him a question that requires some thought but not too much of a curve ball. She gets a response almost immediately so she responds back. Their conversation continues for another 15 minutes until the girl has to put her phone on airplane mode.

The girl's plane lands and she is reunited with her family who she missed dearly. She enjoys her time with her friends at the beach and later with family. The girl continues to get to know the man on Bumble and learns that they have a lot more in common than what is portrayed on his profile as they ask each other questions. The girl feels comfortable and safe enough that this guy is genuine and tells the truth about his life so she agrees to meet with him for a date the day after she returns from her trip.

The 10-day trip feels so short, but the girl is optimistic about the budding relationship that she is forming with this man. Their date is simple but relaxing. It is a walk in a forest along a well-populated trail. As they walk, they share their testimonies and the things that mean the most in their lives. After a long walk, they eat Mexican food at a local authentic restaurant and talk for a few more hours. Both are very hesitant for a couple months to let the other in because of the hurt that both had gone through.

After both trusting in God and continuing to get to know each other, it becomes clear to both the girl and this guy that marriage is definitely in the cards. They continue their relationship for another 2 months before they get engaged to build a stronger foundation as friends since they didn't know each other before Bumble. The man becomes someone the girl can rely and trust on where he takes care of her in a loving and provisional way. She realizes how much God knew the type of man the girl needed after all she has been through.

Their engagement is full of trials. The girl goes through another move but one that is closer to the man's family so that she has people she knows closer to her as she waits and plans their wedding. She goes through so many hoops to figure out their wedding because of Covid and the changing restrictions as well as having family 3,000 miles away. The wedding works out despite all of the changes that the girl and the man who loves her went through. Their wedding is beautiful and unique but most of all Christ-centered.

As life continues, the girl starts seeing the things that she craved for for a long time. The man shows his love in his tender care but also fun-loving personality. He comforts her when she struggles with her health, her failures, and anxiety but always makes sure to bring her back to Christ. He prays with her and over her. He provides her with the stability that she never knew. He also teases her in a loving kind of way...

 

Everyday life (for me) sometimes has its ups and downs. Some days feel like hills while others feel like valleys or a combination of both, but God is continuously faithful and I can say that with confidence despite all that I went through.